Denise Goldberg's blog

What do you mean I can't ride my bike?
The journey back --- from crash to recovery

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Decision time

...for my next tour

My decision is made, and the pressure is off. I gave myself until the end of August to decide whether my planned October trip to Hawaii would be a bike tour as planned, or would be something else. I've really been fighting this one, because I'd like to do it as a bike tour - of course! But reality has finally jumped in. I'm still going to Hawaii, but it's going to be a trip without a bike. I thought about three different options.

The first option was to do the trip as planned, as a solo bike tour around the island. Looking back at distances from last year's tour, this includes three days that I think would be a big challenge to me in my current condition - two days between 50 and 60 miles that have a few long uphills in them, and one day of 40+ miles that is all uphill. At this point in my recovery, I'm a long way from a 50 to 60 mile day, to say nothing of the hills. And while two months is definitely enough time to prepare for a trip like this one when I'm in what I'd consider to be normal physical state, it just doesn't feel like reality to me right now. I wasn't too concerned about the extra weight on the bike from carrying my gear since I'd already decided to do this trip with just 2 panniers (the smaller front panniers carried on the rear rack) and a minimum of gear.

The second option was to take my bike but to find some compromise to riding around the island on my own. That could be to use the bike for day rides, or to link up with a tour operator so I'd have the option of taking a lift if I needed one along with the side benefit of having someone carry my gear for me. Somehow neither of these options really appealed to me. Day rides would likely end up being out and back rides, and while that definitely counts as riding, it just doesn't appeal to me as a substitute for a tour. And touring with a group isn't where my head it at either right now. So while I did take a little time to consider these compromise options, my decision was to change the trip entirely.

My decision? To take the third option, which is to go to Hawaii without my bike. I don't think anyone will disagree that the Big Island of Hawaii is a wonderful destination, even without a bicycle. I'll still be wandering around the island and I can't imagine taking a vacation that doesn't involve some physical activity. I'm sure I'll do some hiking in Hawaii Volcanoes National Park and in some other spots around the island. Maybe I'll spend a little rest time on a beach. Maybe I'll do something different like find a place to rent a kayak and do a little paddling in the ocean. Maybe...

Back to biking

OK, this journal is really about biking, and I haven't forgotten that. This week was another week of biking only on the weekend. I'm still managing to walk every day that I don't have the time or energy to ride my bike, but I still haven't figured out how to get enough sleep and get myself up early enough to ride my bike before work. And the daylight hours are noticeably starting to shrink as the end of the summer approaches.

Saturday, August 28th: Hot, humid, no energy...

When I headed to sleep Friday night I was planning (hoping) to wander over to the coast with my bike on Saturday morning. I was going to enlist the aid of my fossil-fuel powered vehicle to get my bike to the edge of New Hampshire for an out and back ride. Those plans were apparently just not meant to be. Friday night was a bad sleep night for me. I managed to sleep for two and a half hours, wake for 2 hours, and then sleep for another two and a half hours. Ouch! Five hours of sleep just doesn't support an active lifestyle. I've been having sleep problems, but Saturday was the first day I actually tried to do any physical activity after one of those exceptionally bad sleep nights. And I have to tell you, it really wasn't a good idea. I headed out on my bike in the mid-morning, and I think I knew right away that it wasn't going to be a good riding day. If I'd been smart, I would have just turned around and headed back home. But the Denise who wants to be all better and back to normal was apparently in charge, so I kept on biking. I managed 18 very slow miles on the bike. Next time I feel like that, hopefully I'll know better and will turn around much sooner.

It wasn't just that it was a hot, humid day, and it wasn't just biking. I felt like I was moving at half-speed when I went for a walk after dinner - but at least I was smart enough to cut the walk short!

Sunday, August 29th: What a difference a day makes!

And what a difference a good night's sleep makes! I have to admit, I cheated and took a sleeping pill last night after I was having trouble falling asleep yet again. I had headed to bed early, and after all it's the weekend, so I knew that if the pill kept me sleeping past my normal waking hour it really didn't matter.

Sunday dawned hot and humid again, but I was much closer to my current version of normal. Riding was again a much more reasonable and enjoyable activity. I decided to ride close to home, just in case I had guessed wrong and the heat yesterday had something to do with my lack of energy. It didn't, and my 26-mile loop was a good ride.

Funny, I was stopped along the side of the road in Harold Parker State forest - it was a good time for a snack - when two mountain bikers came out of the woods. They crossed the road to get to the continuation of the trail they were on, and I wondered what they were going to do to cross the large log that blocked their way. One of the riders did what I would have needed to do - and that is to go around the end of the log. The other attempted to ride over it, and only made it half way. That is, the front wheel cleared the log, but he apparently didn't have the momentum or the jump-ability to get the rear wheel over too. He stopped and put his foot down - no fall today!

I still haven't been successful at managing a ride longer than the mid-20 mile range. I know it will come, and I know that I eventually will return to my normal self. And now that I've taken the pressure off of myself by accepting that my next tour won't be until 2005, it's a little easier for me to accept my current mileage limitation.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

A quiet week, a storm on Saturday

...and a beautiful riding day dawns on Sunday

No weekday riding again this week... I have to do something about that situation soon! There's still enough light in the evenings to get in a short ride, but by the end of the work day my energy level doesn't match what I'd need for a ride. For now, it's going to have to be in the morning - and I haven't mastered (or should I say re-mastered?) the early to bed, early to rise times that I'll need to pull this off. Soon.

It was a slightly improved sleep week in that I only had one night with that unacceptable 5 hours of sleep instead of the two nights I had last week. Unfortunately, that one short night was followed by a couple of days of dizziness. A small step forward in the sleep department, and a step backwards in getting rid of those dizzy days. I've started tracking both things to see if I can find a pattern, but nothing is jumping out at me so far. I guess this is just the post-accident version of Denise that the real version is trying to erase!

Saturday, August 21st was a good day for hiding indoors

The weather forecast for Saturday was for torrential rain, so I woke up thinking it would be a day without cycling. A downpour woke me at 4:30 AM - just in time to retrieve the still dry newspaper from its (plastic-wrapped) spot in the middle of the rain. I luckily fell asleep again, and awoke to a very wet day. In the afternoon, the sky grew lighter, and the pavement started drying out. I thought it was worth trying a short ride. I headed out on my bike, but I didn't get too far before the thunder started to sound pretty serious and it started to rain. I thought about continuing in the light rain, but given the increased sound of thunder I turned around and headed for home. I put the bike in its usual shelter - in the dry garage - and changed into walking togs. I headed out again - on foot this time - and luckily I was carrying an umbrella. After I'd been out only 10 minutes, an incredible downpour started. Even with the umbrella I was soaked when I got home. I'm very glad that I wasn't out on my bike in that downpour since the rain was coming down so hard that it was very hard to see, and the wind was definitely making its presence known too.

And Sunday, August 22nd was an excellent day for wandering on a bike

I'd have to say that Sunday's weather was perfect for cycling. I woke to a clear sky, little wind, and a favorite temperature range. It was probably in the high 60s or low 70s (Fahrenheit) when I was out on my bike - which I consider to be pretty close to perfect. I thought about driving to the coast so I could ride along the ocean, but laziness intervened. I couldn't convince myself that I wanted to drive 45 minutes to an hour to ride a short distance and then have to drive back again. I'll need beat that lazy feeling soon because I think I'm getting close to needing a change of scenery.

I wandered on roads close to home again, managing a 27 mile ride. I started out on one of my reverse loops - riding a loop I've done often, but in the reverse direction. Switching direction sometimes even makes the ride feel like a new one. It didn't today, so at one point I wandered off down a road I've never ridden before. It was amazing because it switched very quickly from a quiet wooded neighborhood to just woods. As I continued down the road I started to wonder if I was going to need to turn around to find my way home again since as usual I was wandering without a map. I kept going, and eventually met up with a road that I recognized. A nice diversion, and it turned out to be a road I will definitely follow again in the future.

The chipmunks managed to amuse me as I wandered on my bike. They managed to run across the road to find new trees to climb as I passed by. I definitely prefer the chipmunks "run and hide" behavior to the squirrels who seem to like to play suicide games with my bike. Luckily - for my sanity - only the chipmunks were out on Sunday!



Hey - it's only August! This tree seems to have its autumn clock turned on a bit too early. Beautiful, but I'm not ready for summer to be over!


The view to the side of the road. That mystery road was definitely a good choice.


And more beautiful wildflowers along the side of the road. Oh, you think these are weeds and they aggravate allergies? Yes, but I still think they are beautiful!

Sunday, August 15, 2004

A not enough sleep week

...with a beautiful but short Saturday ride, and a Sunday storm day

I started this week by thinking that I'd try to manage one or two bike rides during the week in addition to my normal weekend rides. The rides would need to be before work, and since I'm already heading in to work later than normal, I thought I'd need to get up earlier in order to keep about the same start time at the office. I set the alarm for 6 o'clock Tuesday morning, hoping to get a ride in before work. Unfortunately it turned out that I still needed that extra hour and a half for sleeping, so the morning rides just didn't happen this week. I am still walking on the days when I don't ride - 25 to 30 minutes before work, 15 to 20 minutes at lunchtime, and 30 to 40 minutes after dinner. At least that's some exercise even though it's not my preferred cycling. I guess I was dreaming, thinking that I was ready to add some weekday rides. Sometimes I think I'm accepting my slow recovery, but more often than not I know that I'm not. Yes, I'm doing well all things considered - but I want to be doing more now. OK, I know it's still going to be a slow trip back! You'd think I'd be used to this by now, wouldn't you?

It was another week with some not enough sleep nights. Tuesday and Thursday nights were both 5-hour sleep nights, definitely not enough for my body which still seems to want a minimum of 9 hours - even though 8 is a lot more normal for me and much more achievable right now. Wednesday? Well, I gave up much faster this week and took a sleeping pill. So I had two bad sleep nights sandwiched around a good sleep night. Saturday night was one more example of what I would consider a non-optimal night of sleep. I fell asleep at 10:30 but woke up at 12:30 and was awake for the next two hours before I managed to get another 5 hours of sleep, 7 1/2 hours total. I wonder how I can get my body to stop this nonsense; it's certainly not listening to me!

Saturday, August 14th was a beautiful day for biking

Saturday was a 20-something mile day (26 actually), and I have to say it was a beautiful day for cycling. I'm amazed that I'm able to do so many relatively short rides that are not repeating the same territory on each ride. Although I usually head out and return on the same roads, the bulk of each ride wanders different roads. Not every time of course, but at least I'm not repeating the same route each time I go out. I saw quite a few other cyclists on Saturday, many of whom were on a club ride that happened to coincide with part of my route. At one point a woman came up behind me and let me know that I was about to miss a turn. I laughed and told her that I was out on my own, not out with a group, and that I was planning to go straight - and it turned out that she was on her own too. Funny...

The sun was a part of my ride; it didn't disappear until later in the day, a signal of the storm to come.


Yet another quiet road. And yes, this is normal on many of the back roads around here.


Beautiful wildflowers along the edge of the North Andover town water supply


And Sunday unfortunately was a non-biking day

I didn't plan it that way although it turned out to be one of my dizzy days, so maybe I should be glad the weather didn't cooperate and produce a good riding day. Hurricane Charley managed to turn into a tropical storm before it hit New England, but it still brought a very gray, cool day along with light rain for most of the day. The forecast was for the storm to pass through with clearing in the afternoon, but that didn't happen. I took a walk in the rain this morning but my after-dinner walk was under still gray but dry skies.

Sunday, August 8, 2004

A tired week ends with...

Glorious weekend weather, and two good biking days

Wow! All I can say about the work week is that it was combination of a very interesting week at work and a week of not enough sleep. But when it was finished, I'd managed to fit in two nice biking days. The biking is still not the mileage that I'd like, but I have to admit I felt much better at the end of the rides than I have in past weeks.

On the work front... (For those that don't know me, I work for a small (and young) software company.) Well, this week a new version of our product with major new functionality was released internally for testing. I have to admit that there were several times that I wondered if after effects of that knock on my head really existed and were getting in my way. I realized quickly that it wasn't me - my colleagues who didn't fall off of their bikes (hey - many of them don't even ride bikes!) had the same reaction as I did as we first encountered the new and very cool procduct features. I have to say that we all laughed a lot as we embarked on learning and testing the new functionality.

Not enough sleep? Well, my sleep problem started Monday night, when I couldn't fall asleep until 2AM. That meant I started out with only five hours of sleep, when at this point I think I need a solid nine hours. That five hour night was followed by two seven hour nights, at which point I reached out for the crutch of a sleeping pill. When the weekend finally rolled around I'd managed two nights of that magic number of nine hours of sleep, so my body was ready to hit the road on my bike. That's a really good thing because the weekend brought glorious weather for biking. Saturday dawned partly cloudy and relatively cool for August with temperatures in the high 60's and low 70's. Sunday? Well, it was sunny and started out with temperatures in the low 50's, warming into the 70's. By my way of thinking, that's perfect biking weather.

I have to admit that my slow pace and lack of capacity for long rides have both been frustrating me. I'm continuing to ride from home rather than drive somewhere to start my ride, which would allow me to see something different for a change. Riding from home means that if I'm tired at the end of the ride I don't have to deal with driving. Soon I'm going to need to use my car to give me a boost to a different place to ride. For this weekend, I decided to take my camera with me to give myself a different focus. I still rode near home, but with the camera I was more on the lookout for interesting sights.

Biking! 27 miles on Saturday, August 7th

I headed out on my road bike - the bike that I was riding on May 20th - for the first time since my crash. I've been riding my touring bikes, and I have to admit I was wondering if my slow speed had anything to do with the slightly fatter tires on the touring bikes. I really knew the answer before I headed out today - of course the two things are unrelated. My speed today remained where it has been since I resumed riding - at about 12 and a half miles per hour. That speed feels good when I'm touring and hauling gear with me, but somehow when I'm just wandering around with an unloaded bike it feels slow. No matter, at least I'm riding! Of course I've never been a fast rider, but my previous normal pace was usually between 14 and 15 miles per hour. I was right about taking the camera with me and stopping to take pictures because for some reason I didn't mind the slower pace. Then again, maybe I'm just getting used to it!

It was a good riding day, and I saw a lot of other people out on the road on bicycles. I wanted to scream at the folks I saw who weren't wearing helmets but I stayed in my own world and just kept pedaling. Most of the cyclists I saw were wearing helmets, but the ones who bothered me the most were the folks riding with children where none of the group had a helmet on their heads. And the other people that really make me wonder are the family groups where the children are wearing helmets but the adults are bare-headed. That just makes no sense at all.



Hmmm... due to the wonder of digital photography (and sunglasses!), the red areas that still remain on my face are hidden. A wonderful day to be wandering on a bike - relatively cool (in the low 70s), more sun than clouds but enough clouds to make the sky look interesting.


A quiet road not too far from home


These flowers are everywhere - love the color!


One of the ponds in Harold Parker State Forest.


Biking again! 24 miles on Sunday, August 8th

It was yet another beautiful day for biking. My body said 24 miles was enough today even though my head kept telling me to keep on going. But I behaved - it was time to stop for the day. Having the camera with me helped though since it gave me an excuse to stop more often.

Yesterday I saw a lot of other cyclists on the road, both singles, and groups. It's funny, but today I only saw one other person on a bike. Where do you suppose everyone is hiding? I suppose one reason is that I headed through the center of Lawrence on part of my ride, and I don't think that's a prime biking location. But I was on neighborhood and back roads of Andover for most of my ride, so I don't have a clue where my fellow cyclists were.

It was a funny dog day... I must have headed out this morning at a prime dog-walking time because as I was riding through the neighborhood behind my condo I saw a lot of four-legged friends wandering with their owners. And yes, the dogs were all on leashes, so it wasn't a bad dog-bicycle day. One dog really made me smile. It was a small Scottish Terrier, enjoying his walk by riding in his owner's arms! It really made me smile because Brandy - the miniature dachshund who owns my parents (oh, it's the other way around?) does that to my mother. He starts out walking, but there are those times that he gets a ride back home!

I had fun watching the chipmunks on my ride today. This year seems to be the year of the chipmunks and squirrels. I have to say I prefer the chipmunks because they don't seem to pull the nonsense that the squirrels do. A couple of rides ago, a squirrel paused on its journey across the road when it saw me on my bike. It then ran in front of the bike - then turned around and did it again. My overactive imagination tells me that hitting a squirrel with my bike would not be a good thing, and that I'd be likely to wind up on the ground. Hey you crazy squirrels, let's not do that. Why don't you take a sanity lesson from the chipmunks?

The temperature was absolutely perfect today - it was in the high 60s when my bike and I ventured out, and although I think it increased while I was out it was probably only by a couple of degrees. But it was very windy. At first when I was slowly riding into the wind I thought my slowness was self-imposed but as soon as I turned I was riding at more of my (current) normal speed. I'd happily take more days like this one!

Overall, it was a good riding weekend. My rides are still shorter than I'd like, but they were good rides.

Oh, and that dizziness? Well, it's still there, but at least I didn't have any totally bad days this week. I still can't find a trigger for it. In fact, after my ride on Sunday I realized that I hadn't felt it at all that day. Unfortunately about a half hour later I was dizzy again, and that feeling pretty much stayed with me for the rest of the day. At least it didn't start earlier so I was able to get my ride in!


Great clock tower on an old mill building in Lawrence


The emergency room at Lawrence General Hospital - the start of my hospital tour back on May 20th. (Sorry, I couldn't resist...)


Along the canal --- still in Lawrence

Monday, August 2, 2004

A hot & windy weekend

...made just for riding!

I'm still trying. I'm still riding. But maybe I'm finally accepting my slower pace and shorter rides. OK, I say I'm accepting it, but somehow I forget that acceptance in my next breath!

I rode 22 miles on Saturday, and 23 miles on Sunday. I'm still not making progress on increasing my mileage - but at least I'm riding! I've started doing a couple of overlapping loops - just so I know I'm not too far from home if I get to a point where I need to stop. It's an interesting exercise... I'm riding in areas that I typically ride in early season - at this time of the season I'm usually doing rides that are much more far-reaching. To keep from getting bored, I'm doing pieces of rides in the opposite direction than I usually ride them (tell me, how is it that habit keeps me from reversing direction more often?), and I'm wandering down streets I've never ridden before. As in - the road I was planning to take is under construction - I wonder where this other road ends up. So far my mystery roads have not taken me too far off my desired path, and I've discovered some nice riding roads in the process.

It feels great to be out on a bike - now all I have to do is figure out how to get back to the shape I was in before. And the funny thing is, I think I have to say it's not under my total control. That is, I believe it's under the control of my brain, but not any part that I can influence!

I realized today that there is one pain that seems to be gone, although it won't surprise me too much if it pops back up again when I start riding longer distances. Once that broken pelvic bone healed, I was still left with some pain, especially if I overdid the walking. I was warned that biking (or should I say sitting on a bike seat) would probably bother me - but it never did. And hopefully I won't jinx myself by saying that the pain has disappeared. Now if only my energy levels and abilty to bike long distances would return...